The Life of an Attention Whore

Monday, January 31, 2005

The First Toilet Story of 2005

On Friday night, after a long week of doing absolutely nothing, I decided it was time to break that streak and indulge in some causal drinking.

At 10:45 I got to Bubbles' house with Crackey and started to drink my concoction of Smirnoff bitch beer and Smirnoff vodka. I was being careful to go easy on the liquor since I'm a lightweight. I later found out that everytime I made a drink AJ would sneak in a few extra shots when I wasn't looking. But I'm an optimist, at least it was just alcohol and not roofies.

After drinking a while and smoking a little bit we went to get P.O.T., so we could pick up some stuff from his house. At this point I had already consumed two of my drinks each of which had a presumably high alcoholic content. In addition I had smoked a bowl on the 5 minute ride over to P.O.T.'s house. When we got to P.O.T's I requested a beverage and he poured me a glass of rum. I chugged it and then we drove back to Bubbles' house

wake up from short nap on sofa. drunkly look around. realize everyone is gone. see daylight. look at clock. 8:43. Mexican convinces Bubbles to drive us home. where did she come from? i tell Crackey to hide whatever is left of my alcohol from the guys in the house. I make into the car. I make it back to my dorm. I make it up the stairs. I make it into the ha.. BLAHHHHHHHHH....nope, I lied. Puked in the hall. It looks like eggs.

Mexican walks me to my room. I try to get onto my newly and regrettably mounted bunk bed. I stay there for approximately 3 seconds before falling off, and stumbling to the bathroom. The bed not only prevents me from having sex, but also from puking. There goes my weekend. I decide sleeping on the sofa eases the puking process. Go to sleep. Get up to puke again. Puke. Go back to sleep. Repeat puking process 10 times over next 2 hours. Blue gatorade = aquamarine puke. at least my puke is pretty, even if I'm not. Decide I'm never going to drink again.

Here is the account of some gems that came from my mouth during the night:

to Mexican..."ihzz ok, you cayn go have a shigarette with Luci. I truhst you. I knoow you knoow how muzch I like him and I knoow you wone do anysthing. ok go have a cigarette with him" ....and then I push her out the door.
Yeah sorry, I'm a bit of an insecure crotch when I'm drunk

Me: Crackey, do yoou whnt to leafe now or layter?
Crackey: later
Me: ok. I wahna hook up wif Luci. (in a whisper) Buht I cant cuze [insert feminine issue here] so maybe i'll juhst [sexual expletive] him.
Crackey: Risa, you're not whispering and he's standing right there ::points to distance of not more than 5 feet::
Me: (in stage whisper) YES I AM!

After puking in the bathroom for several hours I passed out with my head on the toilet. Bubbles came in to check on me and found me wearing a blanket. (Side note about the toilet: their toilet is about as clean as a NYC subway) Bubbles then carried me to the sofa despite my protests to stay where I was.

The lesson learned from this story? Absolutely none. This it not the first time nor the last time that something like this has happened. The fact that this was supposed to be a casual night of drinking however...I'm going to have to watch out for that statement from now on.


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