The Life of an Attention Whore

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Puking can be fun!

I am generally known for my courtesy when I get sick drunk. I have never thrown up anywhere except for acceptable locations such as a toilet, sink, garbage can, remote corner, or on people I don't like. There is the exception of the NYC subway car, but that was a rare event. Here is a chronology of some of my passing out drunk stories from previous years:


-The Thong Song/My First Kegstand Story-
During my senior year I started to get to know someone that would become one of my closest friends. He goes by a lot of names, somtimes it's Bud, sometimes Jack, sometimes Coors - he's a man of many identities.

Sometime in the spring Trish invited me, Bffaeaeuddup, Pinky, and Larry to go to a keg party thrown by a guy who had graduated last year. This was my first keg party. I had heard rumors and I had seen in movies showing how crazy these things could get, so I felt like I had a pretty good idea of what to expect. When we opened the door there were maybe a half a dozen other people there, and it didn't look anything like the insanity in the movies. Then again we were young and stupid and had come to the party at 9:30. We headed straight for the keg to defeat the awkwardness of not knowing anyone there. Oh alcohol, the social facilitator. After a few drinking games Trish convinced me to do my first keg stand.

A few hours, a few drinking games and about 3 kegstands later I was bombed. In addition to experiencing my first kegstand, I also experienced my first black out drunk that night. The last thing I remember from the party was being taken down from a kegstand and people placing bets on how far I would puke across the pool. (for the record I didn't puke at that party)

Sometime around midnight we headed home because after all, we were in high school and had curfews. Bffaeaeuddup, the designated driver herded our drunk asses into her car and drove us home. After dropping Larry off, Bffaeaeuddup, Pinky, and Trish proceeded to tell me about the party that I had already forgotten.

Bffaeaeudduptold me that we had left the party on a bad note because some of Larry's brother's female friends had shown up and were jealous of the attention that we were getting. We were inexperienced, drunk high school girls AKA fresh meat. What did she expect? The other girls at the party started glaring at us and threatening to tell Larry's brother about our "out of control" behavior. At that point I had to ask, what exactly did we do that was so out of control.
Bffaeaeuddup: You mean you don't remember?
Me: No, what were we doing??
Bffaeaeuddup: You went into the living room, stripped down to your underwear and danced to the thong song.
Me: WHAT!? Are you serious??
Trish: Yeah, you were outta control.
Me: (checking down pants) But I'm not even wearing a thong!
Bffaeaeuddup: Oh, you made it into a thong.

So that's the story of my first keg party. I went to school for the next week with my head down averting my eyes from the stares of my peers, not wanting to talk about my experience. Even if no one else at the party was a drunken idiot, at least I had fulfilled the role of that girl at the party. I believed the story of course, because that's what's supposed to happened to people when they get drunk right? Wrong. I'm a guillible asshole and BFFAEAEUDDUP, Pinky and Trish are just plain assholes.


-The Strip Never-Have-I-Ever Story-
The first time I woke up in a bathroom in Geneseo was the first month of freshman year. My roommate came back to the room to find me playing strip never-have-I-ever, with guys who she believed had slipped me roofies, considering their level of attractiveness and the fact that I was willing to get semi-naked with them. She kicked them out and I snuck out of the room half dressed in order to have a conversation with my RA. My RA was the type of guy whose sense of style was defeated only by that of Napoleon Dynamite. His high water pants pulled up to his waist, collared shirts, and thick glasses were enought to attract any female. Somehow I discussed a completely normal and appropriate topic with him (despite retelling this story from a second hand account) that involved his number one interest...Disney. Don't ask me how or why I did it. Anyway, the next thing I remember is waking up with my head in a garbage can in the girls bathroom while 3 of my friends were taking care of me. Apparently, I refused to leave the bathroom, and after 2 hours someone finally got me into bed...until the next morning when I came back for another couple of wonderful hours of bonding with my new best friend... the garbage can.
-FlamingPoop to the Rescue Story-
Freshman experiences involve certain rites of passage; excess of alcohol, stupid hook-ups and of course nudity. One night I summed up all of those things into one blackout experience. The night started typically enough, pregaming in my dorm room with my roommate then heading to Bubbles' room. He was older, and thus refused to consume $8 a handle vodka like the rest of us. I showed up there, met up with Crackey, did shots of Goose and Tequila...and thus one of my worst nights was born.
Shortly after the drinks, Crackey, Bubbles, Luci, a couple of others and I headed over to JohnGacey's house for some more beverages and drunk Jenga. Drunk Jenga consisted of a regular Jenga set upon which we had written things such as "lick someone's ear lobe" or "order pizza in assless chaps" or "give JohnGacey $5" or "Bukkake Risa". I'm not sure how drinking tied into the game exactly, but it definately facilitated the dares.
A little while, and a few drinks later, we headed out to a frat party, which I would inevitably not pay for since I was known for flirting with the door guys until they let me in for free. The party sucked so we decided to head to the bar early circa 11 pm in hopes that they would let the our underage selves into the bar. Unfortunately, flirting with the bar bouncers would not get me into the bar as over, and despite being fairly drunk I did not want to flirt with the legend known as Fat Carl. Fortunately, they let us in for under and FlamingPoop bought me a drink. A little while later Luci who had left us earlier walks into the bar with a girl holding her hand.
Now here comes a slightly important anecdote to the story. Luci and I have a little "history." This history involves certain things that might cause anger at seeing him walk in hand in hand with a girl. He looks at me, I look at him and he quickly runs with the girl in the other direction. So here comes the typical college part. Here comes the "I'm the crying girl who thinks resolving problems while drunk is the best way to handle things." I however was going to be older and wiser than that, and immediately asked FlamingPoop and Bubbles to buy me another drink. And then another. And another. And another.
The next thing I know I'm back in Bubbles' dorm in his room (which happened to be next door to Luci's room) crying like a little girl. Make that an alcoholic little girl since I also had a bottle of tequila, bottle of rum and a shot glass all attemptingto pacify the crying child. Bubbles, being the mature one told me to "shut up, stop drinking and stop crying" as I continued to cry and complain like the insecure freshman that I was. Finally I left his dorm to go back to mine, but apparently the night continued without me.

The rest of this story was accounted to me by FlamingPoop. FlamingPoop and Crackey were in the room and they continued to drink with Bubbles after I went back to my dorm. A few minutes later FlamingPoop went to pee and saw some chick's naked ass sticking out of the bathroom stall door. Repulsed that anyone would actually lie on the public bathroom floor he left and returned to his room.
"There was some naked chick puking or passed out or something in the bathroom. I thought it was Risa but then I remembered she went back to her dorm. Thank god." A few minutes later being a good memeber of Geneseo's First Response team, FlamingPoop decided to check on the chick in the bathroom. I'm sure you know by now who the naked chick on the floor of that bathroom was.
"God damnit. It is Risa."
After that FlamingPoop carried me up to Crackey's room where I promptly passed out on the
floor only to find myself awake and running to the girls bathroom. While sitting on the cold tile floor puking, another girl came into the bathroom crying. We had a tearful heartfelt conversation about how much the guys suck at Geneseo. We both cried, and talked about our deep dark secrets regarding guys we had hooked up with. What she said specifically, I have no idea. Who she was? No clue. But as we all know, alcohol and puking is always a great bonding experience.
I spent the rest of the next morning and afternoon cuddling with Crackey's floor and the communal toilet bowl. Around three I stagger downstairs to FlamingPoop's room to get my shoes and bag and of course, Luci is in the room. I igonore him, grab my stuff and dart out of the room. I later found out he didn't go home with the girl, and I had went home with a naked chick (the naked chick being myself of course.) Minus the puking, I'd say I had the better night. On the bright side, at least I can say that I've passed out naked in the boys bathroom of someone elses dorm. Oh wait, that's not a bright side...

1 Comments:

At 12:21 PM, Blogger Word said...

Hola. Te quiero means I want you. Dame una cerveza means give me a beer.

 

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